Tag Archives: Paranoid Products

Paranoid Products: On The 1st Day Of Christmas, My True Love Gave To Me: A Jolly Alien

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Jolly Alien

For this week’s  Paranoid Product we will be getting a little in the probing mood Christmas spirit, because this year Santa was abducted by aliens! Or so it seems, because this fellow took his place. Forget about reindeer, this guy flies on a UFO-powered sleigh, at the speed of light! Don’t be surprised if this Christmas all you get is an anal probe.  :roll:

They DO exist! Skip the usual Santa fare this year and pick up an alternative! A great stocking stuffer, this 8″ soft plush collectible is the perfect snuggle item for the hard-to-buy-for crowd. This oversized stockingtopper will surprise and delight even the most jaded Grinch.

There’s no word on what the size of this contraption is, but the price is about 7 bucks and if you don’t have anything better to give to your true love, this may or may not be a good gift idea. It all depends on how much he or she likes probes.

Merry Christmas everybody, and to all a good night!


Visit whatonearthcatalog.com to get your own while I get piss-ass drunk on eggnog.
Jolly Alien

Paranoid Products: Custom Handmade Brain Slug Hat

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Brain Slug Hat

Futurama is one of my favorite TV shows, I got every single DVD of the series and I even bought rounded coke bottle glasses cause my Hero, Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth wears them. (before that, I wore bifocals). I actually look a lot like a younger Professor Farnsworth in real life, except I don’t wear a lab coat.
When I saw this brain slug hats I couldn’t help but post them here. I actually found the product a week ago and I’ve been waiting to post it all week cause they are so damn cool! Just look at them!
Plus, they are hand made, so you can ask for a specific color or feature! HOW COOL IS THAT!? What could be cooler than a brain-sucking alien on your head!?

ZOMG! Brain slugs that clip in your hair!!! Makes for an instant costume no matter what clothing you are wearing! Be a hit with your friends at the next party, rave or convention!

Made out of 100% anti-pill fleece and stuffed with poly-fill. Two barrettes are attached to the bottom for comfort and stability.

Clips can be removed and easily replaced with safety pins to attach to a hat, costume or make him a shoulder pet.

Visit GrapeVineFires‘ Etsy page to get your own while I go get the real thing, cause I’m that hardcore!  8)

Custom Brain Slug cyber cosplay raver villian Futurama Brain Sucker

UPDATE: additionally, please stop by the bunker for jolly times and merry festivities! :dizzy:

Paranoid Products: Cover Your Naughty Bits At The Airport With Rocky Flats Gear

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Men's Brief Radiation Blocker

If you’ve heard or watched the news lately, I guess you’ve heard about the U.S. Department Of Molestation those TSA pigs groping the shit out of everyone (literally!) and making everyone feel dirty and raped.
Yes, those filthy TSA pigs are out of control and the saddest part is that Christmas is coming and for most people to go across America from East Coast to West Coast on a car is just idiotic. So if you are one of those unfortunate enough to travel a lot this next Holidays and you actually still have some shame left in you, you might want to try these on. What are these? Radiation-proof underpants! Now, if you don’t have any shame left in you, then you might as well run rampantly around, naked through the airport, waving your junk to everyone. But if you are like me, then you may want to keep your shit exclusively for your loved one (or maybe certain porno magazine), if that is the case then this underwear is for you.

Hit the break to learn more:


Paranoid Products: Baketan Ghost Detector

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Baketan Ghost Detector

Tired of crapping your pants every time you are scared out of your skin by ghosts? Tired of carrying your defibrillator with you all the time just in case you are scared by a sneaky ghost and have a heart attack? Then this Paranoid Product is for you!
The Baketan Ghost Detector is an ordinary keychain a portable ghost detection device you can use as a keychain. Just press the button and find out if there is any abnormal paranormal presence in the room! But don’t believe me, here is a quote translated with the ass from the product website.

Ghost Radar, by Japanese Technology, catches Ghost!

You can search Ghost using Baketan!

Simply, push the button. Then it starts searching for Ghosts! It keeps blinking for about 10 seconds.

If the circumstance around you is nomal, it stops blinking (shortly, it blinks 3 times in the end.) oh, you can feel at ease =)

HOWEVER! if there is something unusual, it cautions you by blinking in red continuously with some buzzer sounds!!
It’s in danger!! Get out of wherever you are now!

Or if you have to stay there, keep pusing the button for awhile, then, BAKETAN safe mode starts to expel the Ghost out of your body before you get haunted!

Wow! Safe mode and all! I got to get me one of these! Or two…   I heard the bunker was built on an Indian cemetery or something.
Each one of these will set you back about 11 US Dollars or 920 Japanese Yens or you could drill holes on 920 Lincoln pennies and pretend they are Yens (Note: this procedure may render the coins useless. Also, a penny with a hole in it is not a Japanese Yen).

Visit the product website to get an eye hemorrhage trying to read the specs:
Baketan Strap Ghost Radar (Misty Blue)

Paranoid Products: The Magic Paranoid 13 Ball

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Paranoid 13 Ball

It’s Friday and It’s time once again for the Paranoid Product. This week’s Paranoid Product is a product of my own: the Magic 8 Paranoid 13 Ball. It’s a productivity killer project me and my Designer/Webmaster have been working on for about 2 weeks. The  Magic Paranoid 13 Ball is [loosely] based on one my favorite toys as a kid, the Magic 8 Ball by Mattel. This one is a little bit different, it’s electronic, but we hope you like it anyway.

Got problems making your everyday decisions? Are you Paranoid about what could happen if you make the wrong decision? Leave it to chance The Magic 8 Paranoid 13 Ball!
How does it work? Simple: Just ask a question, shake the ball and the answer will be revealed to you!

According to the legend, the Paranoid 13 Ball draws its answers from a parallel universe made entirely out of WTF! So be careful, I am not responsible for Anything that happens to you before, after or while using the ball.

Visit the Magic Paranoid 13 Ball HERE and answer your most enigmatic questions!

Paranoid Products: Gray Green Alien Wine Holder

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Green Alien Wine Holder

Would you like some interstellar wino holding your favorite wine bottles? Yeah, me neither. But for those who do, here’s the Green Alien Wine Holder!
The Green Alien Wine Holder is made from cut, colored steel, it’s about 12″ tall and will set you back 46 bucks.

This guy is proof aliens do not come to earth to meet our leaders… they come for the wine!! So whether he has just ended a long journey from space or escaped from Roswell, indulge him with fine wine and he will be a permanent guest. This delightful alien with his jewel tone green makes a great center piece and an even greater conversation piece. It is the perfect gift for that someone who is well… as unique as he is.

Damn right makes a great conversation piece, awkward conversation. Everyone will be like: “What’s the deal with the green alcoholic?” and you’ll be like “Eh… You know,  it’s a funny story, it all started in this crappy Paranoid Blog I visited once…”. So anyhow, buy it at your own risk. If the bastard drinks all your booze it’ll be your own fault.

Visit  sundogcompany.com to buy your own while I pour myself a glass of wine. All this wine talk tickled my alcoholic bone.
Green Alien Wine Holder

Image courtesy of sundogcompany.com

Paranoid Products: Survival Kits For The Upcoming World War

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2pers_backpk_survival_kit_Lg

As you all know (or at least, should know), the Third World War is predicted to start sometime in the next month. And I decided to take it seriously and write educative posts related to WW3. It may be just a lousy prediction, but it’s better to be prepared than caught by surprise.
By now you should already have your survival kit, but in case you procrastinated, here is one you can buy already assembled. Unfortunately I didn’t found one specifically designed for a Nuclear War so instead, I am going to post a link to a page with a bunch of survival kits that may be useful to you. Or maybe not, I don’t know. I do not endorse in any way, shape of form this vendor cause I never bought anything from them (yet, when I do I’ll let you know). I searched through a couple hundreds and hundreds of  sites and this looked good to me.

The selection includes, but it’s not limited to: Gas masks, Survival Kits, Potassium Iodate Tablets (for radiation poisoning), Complete Medical Kits, Pandemic Flu Kits and much, much more. I suggest you to visit them if you believe this war is going to happen and arm yourself to the teeth with supplies.

Visit preparedplanet.com to buy your own survival kit while I try to come up with a survival kit to survive an alien invasion!
Emergency and Disaster Kit Supplies for Home, Office, Car or Shelter

Image courtesy of preparedplanet.com

Paranoid Products: Alien Hunt Alarm Clock

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Alien Hunt Alarm Clock

I drink an assload of coffee every day, so much that sometimes I can’t sleep at night. After a few hours of watching scrambled pr0n lolcats (I totally love cats!!), writing in my blog and playing XBox, I get sleepy and I hit the sack, just to hear the alarm clock to go to work a few moments later. Therefore, it’s perfectly normal for me to want to shoot the God damn thing when the  alarm goes off. Which I naturally do. I sleep with a .45 under the pillow.

Sometimes it can take a lot to wake up. Hey you’re tired out from all those late night FPS shooters, WOW sessions, Tweets and Facebook updates. But probably if you were trapped on an alien spacecraft with evil facehuggers plotting to implant alien embryos inside your body to later grow to maturity and burst from your chest… waking up would be easy. The Alien Hunt Alarm Clock tries to simulate these conditions in an effort to rouse you so you can get to work and not lose your job.

Trapped on an alien spacecraft with evil facehuggers plotting to implant alien embryos inside my body to later grow to maturity and burst from my chest, huh? Yep. That’s a damn good reason to wake up. Except I have enough reasons to wake up screaming already.

Hit the break and learn more.

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