Bizarre UFO Ball Caught Refueling On The Sun!!

Posted on by
3

Refueling UFO Ball

If you ever wondered where do the aliens get fuel for their ships, look no further than our nearest star, the Sun. That’s right, Folks, since UFO Phil hasn’t completed the build of his big-ass-pyramid-UFO-refueling-station the aliens are still refueling someplace else and they were caught red-handed in the act, poking a giant probe into our Sun and sucking some “sun matter” out of it!
And it kinda makes sense if you think about it, I gotta give them that. It’s the strongest solar activity in years! If that can’t fuel your UFO ship nothing in the universe will! Except probably my farts after a nutritious meal at “Panchito’s Take-Out Tacos”.

Hit the break for a somewhat not-very-impressive video.

The Feds Spy On You In Facebook And Twitter! Find Out Which Are The Words They Are Tracking!!!

Posted on by
1

Surveilling Octopus

Alright, for starters for those with a patriot heart, let me clarify; I am not giving away the Fed’s secrets to nail terrorists, the terrorists are smart enough to know that the government is spying on everyone and wiretapping the shit out of everybody. Terrorists are not going to use these words. In fact, I bet my Paranoid butt that they have code names for everything!
The object of this post is to prevent you from using these words in your everyday conversations. For example, the words “bomb” and “congress”. What if you use both in the same sentence? “The congress is da bomb!” Now what? You gonna have a bunch of government thugs knocking at your door, ready to break your legs in a couple of hours. Just for innocently typing those words into your Facebook status!

Hit the break  for more.

 

You Want Some Cancer To Go With Your Cancer?: Coke And Pepsi Contain Carcinogenic Substances!!!

Posted on by
1

killer coke

You know what’s really messed up? Today I discovered that I’ve apparently been consuming copious amounts of poison daily at work and I didn’t even know it! Turns out that Coca-Cola, the soda I’ve been drinking all this time at work (’cause that’s about all I can get from the only vending machine in the building) has a carcinogenic additive!! And if you are thinking:  “And why do I care? I’m a Pepsi kinda guy!” you are still in the same boat as me! ’cause Pepsi also contains the same carcinogenic additive and so does Dr. Pepper!! Hit the break to learn more and get completely Paranoid about what you drink!


Long-Ass Train Transporting Tanks Spotted In Santa Cruz, California!!!!

Posted on by
3

Choo-Choo-Train Of Horror

Is it just me or the third world war is about to begin? Because from where I’m standing it appears that America is getting ready for a large scale event!
Last year I wrote a post  about a large mobilization of troops in the Midwest area of the United States, this occurred just days prior to the great debt ceiling deadline but when the time came no troops were deployed anywhere in the  US. So this raises the question, where did all those troops go?
And now even more military equipment is being moved somewhere on this long-ass-magic-choo-choo-train-of-bloodshed! All I can think besides alien invasion and imminent world war is: Is there a freaking hoarder somewhere collecting soldiers and military equipment!?  :huh:

 Hit the break for a video.

Big-Ass Solar Flare Hits Earth! Plus, The Mother Of All Solar Storms Forecasted Within The Next 10 Years!!!

Posted on by
1

Big-Ass Solar Flare

Yes, Folks, more solar storms! I told you this would be a recurring topic and here’s another proof that those pesky solar flares are here to stay: The  past Tuesday the Sun released a gigantic solar flare, followed by a smaller one, they both reached our home planet (a.k.a. Earth for those of you who drink too much fluoridated water) early Thursday. This solar flare is the biggest one in 5 years, yes, even bigger than the last one! Fortunately the solar flare didn’t do any damage to our precious electrical infrastructure but the next one might.  That’s right, Folks, hang on to your butts because scientists are forecasting that there is a 1 in 8 chance of a catastrophic solar mega-storm that could catapult humanity back to the stone age!!!

Hit the break to learn more and get bat-shit Paranoid!!!

Looks Shopped: President Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate Proved To Be False!!!

Posted on by
4

Barack Obama

We all know that old adagio “pictures or it didn’t happen”, I myself utter it every time someone makes an outrageous claim and  Donald Trump uttered it back in April, 2011, calling into question Barack Obama‘s American citizenship. Later that year, Obama produced a copy of his birth certificate in a somewhat cheesy ceremony and the American people’s thirst for truth was quenched. But that didn’t last very long, because soon after the birth certificate surfaced some people said that Obama’s birth certificate might be shopped!
Today those fears appear to be a reality, It’s official: Obama’s birth certificate IS shopped! Just like all those photos where I appear to be solving cases with Mulder and Scully, because in my mind I’m special agent Jhonny from the F.B.I.

Hit the break to watch a video.

Russian Mad Scientists Want To Build Robots With Human Brains!!!

Posted on by
Reply

Russian Mogul Plans To Transplant Human Brains To Robot Bodies

Remember that movie with the robot policeman where some scientist  puts a human brain into a giant-ass-murdering-robot armed to the balls with all kinds of guns? What was that movie called? Robo-Officer? Cybercop? Ahh nevermind. The point is, that someone is trying to do the exact same thing in real life.  Just when I thought that humanity could not sink any lower!
The intention, according to the Russian version of Dr. Frankenstein is to achieve human immortality, however, I’ll bet my ass that this technology will find its way into military applications and you will be running for your life  chased by blood-thirsty cyborgs  before you know it!!!!  :disapprove:

Hit the break to watch a video and read more about how life on Earth from now on is going to suck. HARD!

The Big Blue Brother: Free Facebook Apps Can Spy On You!!

Posted on by
Reply

Facebook App

If you are one of those Folks who sends me invitations to Fieldville, Zillionare City or Gang Wars, quit it, no one likes that shit, but if you are one of those Folks who likes to browse Facebook from the commodity of your toilet your cellphone, you may want to know this: Facebook app manufacturers  might be spying on you!! That’s right, and not only your likes and preferences but also your phone calls, text messages and even tracking your location!! If you are using Facebook via your Smartphone or iPhone, chances are that you might be spied on!
See, this is why I don’t like cellphones I have enough Folks following my every move.

Hit the break to read more and… wait for it… wait for it… GET PARANOID!!!!1!!!1!11!!!!!  :O_O:

Advertise at ParanoidNews.org!