Ever wondered what would be like to be obliterated by a 6-ton satellite falling from space? Well, you are in luck, you are about to find out! That’s right Folks, the asshats at NASA are again at it (f***ing up things, that is)! Instead of retrieving their own garbage they are just going to let it fall back to earth. Of course they don’t give two shits on a tandem bike about damage to people’s property or casualties, since 70% of the Earth is water they are assuming that it will safely land in the ocean. But guess what! The remaining 30% is land you dickwads!!!

Hit the break to learn more and wonder why you didn’t line the exterior of your house with 10 inches of hi-grade titanium.

Look out below! A defunct satellite the size of a school bus is falling back to Earth. NASA’s Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite, or UARS, is expected to reenter the atmosphere at the end of September. And pieces of the satellite will probably survive the fiery breakup.

“We looked at the hundreds of different components on UARS, and we believe that we know what’s going to survive. We just don’t know where.”

Nick Johnson of NASA’s Orbital Debris Program.

“And we believe it’s going to be 26 different components that will hit the surface of the Earth somewhere, with a total mass a little over 500 kilograms.”

UARS studied the atmosphere from 1991 to 2005. It’s 35 feet long and about 13,000 pounds, which is large by space junk standards. But debris falls from space all the time, and big objects the size of UARS come down about once a year. Since Earth is mostly water and sparsely populated land, chances are UARS won’t cause any harm.

But “we just will not know precisely where it’s going to come down until it’s come down.” So keep watching the skies.

—John Matson

Are you serious? “Keep watching the skies”!?  KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES!?!?  Geez, they should put a “if you can read this you are about to die crushed” sign on it. 

And that is not all, even if it does land in the sea, what if it bring something with it? And no, Folks, I am not talking about little green men clinging to the satellite, those wouldn’t survive the fiery reentry into the Earth’s atmosphere. I am talking about bacterias and viruses!!! Oh yeah, did I mention that bacterias and viruses mutate at a higher rate and reproduce faster in zero gravity?  That is why they normally quarantine shit before they bring it here! If anyone sneezed on that thing we are all doomed! Prepare for the zombie apocalypse! 

Visit scientificamerican.com to view the original article while I stock up on chainsaws.
Satellite Set to Make Big Splash or Thud

Post image courtesy of i.space.com