The first one was kind of interesting, perhaps baffling. The second one was disturbing and concerning, but this one is total madness! (no, it’s not Sparta, I checked twice)
Thousands of birds were reported falling from the sky for no apparent reason in Nashville, Texas, Florida, Sweden and Italy while in England, Brazil and Maryland (US)  thousands of dead fish and crabs were floating to the shore.
Most experts are attributing the bird deaths to retarded causes like fireworks or smashing into stationary objects. Oh really? All of them? I can believe that 1 to 10 birds could have smashed into a truck or a bridge or a building, but all of them? I can’t even picture the scene! What, are they stupid? I mean, yeah, they are birds, but c’mon can you imagine them like:  ”Hello, this is your flock leader speaking, we’ll be smashing into that bridge in 3… 2… 1…” *CRASH!!*
The incidents have been dubbed “aflockalypse” by the media due to the ‘biblical’ nature of the incidents, which by the way I think is pretty bad taste. I would have called it “birdageddon“, cause I’m classy.

Hit the break to read more and get Paranoid probably never eat chicken or fish again.

Birds

Nashville

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Hundreds of dead birds have been found this week in Nashville and nearby counties.

In Wilson County just east of Nashville, around 150 grackles were found on the side of the road. According to The Tennessean newspaper, the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Ageny says they had deteriorated so badly that a lab could not determine the cause of death.

View the full article at 2theadvocate.com
100s of dead birds found in Nashville area

Texas

This is getting crazy. Another 200 dead birds have been found in the Texas town of Tyler.

The dead birds were discovered along state highway 155.

The birds are identified as American coots and the cause of death could not immediately be determined.

Officials are saying this incident is most likely not related to the others, but that it could have been the birds were hit by a vehicle.

View the full article at longislandpress.com
Dead Birds: More Dead Birds in Texas

Florida

The mysterious spate of mass fish and bird deaths continues as the latest two separate incidents see thousands of fish floating in a warm creek in Florida and 200 birds strewn across a bridge in Texas.

There are several news items that mention the Florida incident, but all of them talk about the other events. This is the most information I could get.

View the full article at digitaljournal.com
Thousands of fish found dead in Florida, 200 dead birds in Texas

Sweden

STOCKHOLM — Officials say about 50 birds have been found dead on a street in Sweden.

Veterinarian Robert ter Horst says the cause of jackdaws’ deaths was unclear but that fireworks were set off near the scene Tuesday night.

The birds were found dead on Wednesday.

Ter Horst says cold weather, difficulties finding food and possible shock from the fireworks could be responsible, leading to the stressed birds either dying from the stress or being run over by vehicles.

View the full article at huffingtonpost.com
Dead Birds Found In Sweden

Italy

On Wednesday, GeaPress reported hundreds — possibly thousands — of dead and dying birds in Italy. Countless turtle doves were found scattered in the streets, in flower beds and hanging tragically from trees “like Christmas balls” in the town of Faenza. Many of the birds that fell dead from the sky were discovered with a mysterious blue stain in their beaks.

View the full article at huffingtonpost.com
Birds Dying In Italy: Thousands Of Turtle Doves Fall Dead From Sky

Blue stain in their beaks, huh? Looks like poisoning to me, but I’m no vegetarian veterinarian. It is worth pointing out that none of the other birds had this blue stains in their beaks or at least no one reported it, so we can assume the cause of death of the birds in Italy was different from, say, the ones in Arkansas. But why did all of them died off at this time of the year? I don’t want to sound Paranoid, but, could there be people deliberately killing the birds to divert the attention from some bullshit bailout? Or maybe this could be the preface for a fabricated cataclysm to depopulate earth? Perhaps could even be a brand new avian flu strand or a space spore alien invasion!!! or, or…  it could be the return of the men who stare at goats, but this time they stare at birds! And maybe they stared at a postcard for a bit too long and… and… and…  *hyperventilating*  Right? RIGHT?  *taking pills* Ok, I’m better now. Anyhow. Whatever the case is, I recommend you stay the hell away from those birds. Any dead bird for that matter! (even fried chicken!) It could be anything!

Aside from birds, there are fish too. Yes, at first I didn’t took it seriously after reading about the case in Arkansas, cause after all, there are a whole lot more cases of dead fish due to industrial pollution than cases of birds falling from the sky for whatever reason, so I disregarded it as a mere coincidence. But the cases multiplied in the past few days and now they are simply impossible to ignore.

Sealife

Maryland (US)

(CNN) — Authorities in Maryland are investigating the deaths of about 2 million fish in Chesapeake Bay.

“Natural causes appear to be the reason,” the Maryland Department of the Environment said in a news release. “Cold water stress exacerbated by a large population of the affected species (juvenile spot fish) appears to be the cause of the kill.”

In Maryland, preliminary tests showed water quality to be acceptable, officials said.

“The affected fish are almost exclusively juvenile spot fish, 3 to 6 inches in length,” the Maryland department said. A recent survey “showed a very strong population of spot in the bay this year. An increased juvenile population and limited deep water habitat would likely compound the effects of cold water stress.”

View the full article at cnn.com
2 million fish found dead in Maryland

England

As if thousands of dead birds falling from the sky and millions of fish turning up dead across the world in the last week weren’t enough, the Thanet Coast in the UK is now littered with tens of thousands of dead crabs that have washed ashore.

The events are likely unrelated, however, and the BBC notes that this is the third year in a row thousands of dead devil crabs, also known as velvet swimming crabs, have turned up on the coastline near Kent, England. It is estimated that 40,000 of the dead crabs have washed up on the beaches this year.

According to LiveScience, experts believe cold weather is to blame for the massive crab deaths. Tests conducted in past years have turned up no results for disease or similar problems, leaving the cause an unexplained mystery, though hypothermia is conjectured.

View the full article at huffingtonpost.com
Dead Crabs Wash Ashore By Thousands On England Beaches

Brazil

Fishermen have found at least 100 tonnes, mainly sardines.

A survey conducted by the Federation of Fishermen’s Colony of Paraná, Paranaguá on the coast of the state, indicates that at least 100 tons of fish (sardine, croaker and catfish) have turned up dead since last Thursday off the coast of Parana.

On Sunday, representatives from the Environmental Institute of Paraná (IAP), the Secretary of State for the Environment and Water Resources (SEMA), took samples to verify the reason for the deaths. O relatório será divulgado hoje. The report will be released today.

The president of the Federation of Fishermen’s Colony of Parana, Edmir Manoel Ferreira, reports that between Paranaguá and Guaraqueçaba at least 2,800 fishermen depend on the daily seafood.

Only one community came to bury 15 tons. We are experiencing a very sad situation on the coast, “reports.

View the full article at mediaite.com
Things Get Weirder? 15 Tons Of Dead Fish Wash Ashore In Brazil

New Zealand

Hundreds of dead snapper have washed up on Coromandel beaches on the North Island of New Zealand, leaving holidaymakers perplexed.

People with binoculars said the snapper stretched as far as they could see and boaties reported “a carpet of floating fish further out to sea all along the coast”.

“We initially thought ‘woohoo a free feed’ but they had really cloudy eyes and you could see the birds had been at them. Some of them had no eyes,” Pearsall said.

View the full article at smh.com.au
Hundreds of dead snapper washed up on New Zealand beach

Now that is some creepy shit. No eyes. Reminds me of mutilated cattle. Way to traumatize your children BTW!
Dad: “Children, we are going to the beach today!!”
Children: “YAAAAAY!! wait, are those dead fish Dad!? ZOMG!! THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF DEAD FISH!!! ”
Dad: “Uhm, no, Sweetie, they are not dead. They are sleeping… Out of the water. With their eyes gauged out. ”
Vacations in New Zealand, great idea, Dad! Good luck with the therapist bill! 

UDPATE:

videos, courtesy of Russia Today via YouTube

My advice to you is stay the hell away from seafood and chicken until you are 300% sure you know what the hell is going on! It could be anything! It could a new super-bug or a plague for all that I know!

Image courtesy of universetoday.com, you can also visit them to read an article about how the term “aflockalypse” is already mapped on Google:
“Aflockalypse” — Mass Animal Deaths Now Mapped on Google

While you read all that, I will be buying old-ass canned fish, cause I’m totally out of sardines. I know, I know. It could be spoiled, but hey, it’s a risk I’m willing to take, at least it’s not freshly canned!