In other f***ed up news, BP may not only be responsible for one of the worst f***ing environmental disasters of all time, but also for triggering a chain of events that might culminate with the end of the world! Yeah, you heard right! WE REALLY ARE GOING TO DIE!!! How or when, I have no idea, but this puts things in perspective for me: What difference does it make to have a bunker if it won’t save you? Kinda suck balls huh?

And apparently it’s not even entirely BP’s fault cause according to scientists this happens every few million years, but BP contributed with its own greasy grain of sand and now it will happen sooner than expected! What am I talking about? METHANE!! Yes, as in farts. And if I understand correctly, apparently our oceans are building up giant-ass methane bubbles that later explode causing massive extinctions that happen once in a few million years.

Hit the break to read more about how humanity will meet extinction.

251.4 million years ago, the Permian extinction event destroyed the atmosphere, wiped out almost all life on the planet, and was generally a bad time. This BP oil leak is reminding scientists of the conditions of that event just a bit too much.

There was another mass extinction event 55 million years after that, referred to as the Late Paleocene Thermal Maximum, which lasted 100,000 years and was caused by an exploding methane bubble. Guess where it all went down? The ancient waters around where we now call the Gulf of Mexico.

Texas A&M University’s Dr. John Kessler, an oil industry expert, theorizes that the leak at the ruptured well could be 40%, and with the volume that’s going into the water, that’s a lot of methane. As if that wasn’t bad enough, a huge gash has been discovered not 10 miles from the BP leak, which itself could be adding more oil and methane to the mix.

So, what happens? Well, if the methane concentration in the Gulf — which Kessler and his team have said is “one million times the normal level” — erupts, it could create tsunamis, dead zone areas devoid of oxygen, poisonous rainfall and even collapse the sea floor.

I don’t know how hard this methane bubbles blow, or what is worst, the explosion of the methane bubble, or the fact that it’s a greenhouse gas. And speaking of that, It seems like everything lately is causing global warming: The increasing sun activity, excessive farting, contamination(?)… I don’t even know anymore. Anyhow, for what I read it’s going to get ugly but I haven’t lost my faith in humanity yet. Here’s an idea for you, the scientists: How about depleting this methane bubble that is building up and use the methane? Humans are great for depleting natural resources like natural gas, oil and coal and use them as fuels so this would kill two birds with a stone (Just don’t let BP near that thing because they will f*** that shit up royally!). It will quench our energetic necessity (at least for a few years) and it will save our asses! I know!! I’m a genius!! Please contact me if you need my mailing address to send my Nobel prize.  I’ll be waiting.

Please visit dvice.com to read more about this: BP oil leak could be world-killing scenario, scientists say or go to helium.com to read an even more extensive article and get even more paranoid!!: Doomsday: How BP Gulf disaster may have triggered a ‘world-killing’ event.

While you read, I will be checking my e-mail, that Nobel prize commission e-mail should be arriving any minute now. Yep, any time soon. 

Image courtesy of dvice.com via Columbia Pictures