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I swear to God, this whole global warming business is getting more bizarre every second. Why can’t they agree on something? There’s a new global warming theory every minute, newest suggest that mammoths contributed to global warming with methane emissions which could have caused the last ice age. Next thing they’ll say is that we are farting too much and that we are causing the global warming. Which reminds me, remember I predicted this the last time I spoke about the upcoming ice age? We need to buy fart credits instead of carbon credits!

Methane is a powerful greenhouse gas. The scientists, led by Dr Felisa Smith from the University of New Mexico in the US, pointed out that a ”cold event” hit the Earth at about the same time that methane levels plunged.

”Our calculation suggest that decreased methane emissions caused by the extinction of New World megafauna could have played a role..” they wrote.

Around 13,400 years ago the Americas were heavily populated by large-bodied herbivores such as mammoths, camelids and ground sloths and had a richer array of animals than present-day Africa.

But by 11,500 years ago, around 80% of these big mammals had vanished forever.

So… all this means what? what’s the current status of Al Gore’s Global Warming? It’s happening? not happening? a scam? Last time I felt this confused I was all surrounded by trannies, yes, I thought they were all women but then, pickle surprise! My point being that I don’t know what to believe now, is global warming real? should I keep driving my super-contaminating VW Beetle…? Hey, I still have to move, nearest store is 2 miles away and I ain’t walking.

Visit telegraph.co.uk to read more about how Mammoths contributed to global warming with methane emissions, while you read, I will be in the garage building a methane gas recollector to recycle my farts. That way I can get the gas to cook my beans AND eat them hot too! What!? I like beans!