SOPA, Now In European Flavor, They Call It ACTA!!!

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Stop ACTA

You know what they call SOPA in France? They call it a royale with cheese  ACTA! You know why they call it ACTA? Because they have the metric system!! Ok, that didn’t make any sense, but to be fair, neither does ACTA.
Yes, Folks, if you were celebrating that SOPA did not pass this week and you thought that was it for that idea, I am going to have to piss on your parade. Partly because I had a bit too much beer but mostly because it’s not over. A new law called ACTA is now being considered in Europe and could possibly spell the end for the Internet as Europeans we know it. Hit the break to read more about ACTA.

Life Possibly Found On Venus, Russian Scientist Said!!!

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Life On Venus

Well it’s not official yet, but we’re getting there. I mean, at least NASA paved the way for it about a year ago so now it’s not a big surprise that life can be sustained in such a hostile environment.
Leonid Ksanfomaliti, a Russian scientist from the Space Research Institute at Russia’s Academy of Sciences found life on Venus. Yes, Folks, that’s the one planet with sulphuric acid clouds and a surface temperature that could melt lead!
Ksanfomaliti, who claims he spotted a disk, a black flap and even a scorpion on the surface of the planet, says these objects might actually be living creatures!!

Ksanfomaliti reanalyzed nearly 30-year-old images from a Venus mission made by the Soviet landing probe Venus-13 in 1982. He claims to have discovered several photographs featuring mysterious objects that he claims resemble a disk, a black flap and even a scorpion.

“Let’s boldly suggest that the objects’ morphological features would allow us to say that they are living,” Ksanfomaliti wrote.

You know, this whole thing reminds me of the time someone spotted an alien base on Mars on a photograph taken by the Mars Exploration Rover.

Visit foxnews.com to read the entire article while I spot alien life forms in a slice of head cheese.
Russian scientist claims ‘signs of life’ on barren, boiling Venus

 

Strange Sounds From All Over The World!!!

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Strange Sounds From All Around The World!

Have you seen District 9? Remember the sound emitted from the spaceship at the end? Well Friends ever since last year this noise has been heard and recorded all over the world. From the Ukraine to a baseball game in the U.S., this has left many people to ponder up a crapload of theories ranging from the Trumpets of the Apocalypse,UFO’s, HAARP, and even a phenomenon related to the motion of the Earth or even the Universe itself. Nonetheless these particular pitches send both shivers down my spine and fascination on what it could be.

Hit the break for the rest.  


Paranoid Health: Ten Reasons Why You Should Drink Beer!

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Deliciously Healthy Beer

In the last post I ruined bacon for you, so let me make up for that by giving you ten reasons why you should drink beer! Yes, my friends. Beer, besides being delicious is also healthy (despite what you may think when you look at my beer gut).

A new study shows that beer is healthier than you ever thought it could be! Beer can reduce the risk of broken bones, strengthen your heart, prevent Alzheimer’s disease and much more! It almost makes it look like I didn’t waste all those years at the pub.

Hit the break for the “YESSS!! THERE IS A GOD!!!!”

Would You Like Some Cancer To Go With Your Cancer: Bacon, Now A Delicious Deadly Delight!!!

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Bacon Prevents Heart Attacks

As you may or may not recall, in one of the first posts here at ParanoidNews.org I posted something called Bacon May Save Your Bacon. This is sort of a follow up to that one post. This is where I tell you to take it easy on the bacon because it may give you cancer. Yes, folks, unfortunately our old and delicious friend bacon may increase 20% your odds of getting pancreatic cancer!!! How? Why? When? The answer to all those questions and more is God hates us after the break, so hit it and ruin bacon for ever!

Phobos-Grunt Fail Probe To Plummet Really Soon! Track It Online!!!

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Russian Probe Of Death!!!

For those of you who were waiting for news on the Russian fail probe of doom, here they are: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIEEE!!!!1!!  :O_O: Kidding!  :mrgreen:   Probably just the people in wherever-the-probe-falls.
The failed Russian probe, that was supposed to go to Phobos, the Martian moon, collect samples and safely bring them back to Earth malfunctioned the past November 8th and scientists haven’t been able to regain control over it. Ever since then, the probe have been lowering its orbit and it’s expected to finally plummet back to Earth on January the 15th.

Hit the break for more information and a link to a real-time tracker, so you know where it is going to fall and get the hell out of its way!

Domsday Clock One Minute Closer To Midnight. One Minute Closer To Destruction!!!!!

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The Doomsday Clock Is Seen Showing Five Minutes To Midnight

Because 6 minutes till midnight apparently wasn’t enough, scientists from the board of directors of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists at the University of Chicago moved the Doomsday Clock’s hands 1 minute closer to midnight, letting the world know how fundamentally f***ed up the future of humanity really is. And I am not surprised. Not one little bit. I mean, all those nuclear wang-waving contests and nuclear incidents had to pay off somehow, right? Truth be told is that since the invention of the nuclear bomb human race have always been on the brink of total annihilation. In fact, I am quite surprised we are not even closer to midnight, ’cause from where I’m standing, it looks like we are really closer than you’d think.

Hit the break to learn more and weep for humanity.

Wait… WHAT!?: Man-Made Global Warming Actually Good For Environment, Scientists Say!!!

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Global Warming Earth

Alright, Folks, I don’t know what kind of crack are these scientists and politicians smoking but it must be a strong brand because they can’t seem to agree on whether global warming is real or not or if it is harmful at all to the Earth! That’s right, Folks, now they are saying that global warming might be actually a good thing, ’cause it could save us from an otherwise deadly ice age!! I mean, is that even for real? Then what about carbon taxes!? Shouldn’t that be made illegal then? This whole global warming thing is getting weirder by the minute! Just like Al Gore‘s sex life.

Hit the break to read more and get even more confused about global warming.

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