Big Earthquakes Decalibrate World’s GPS Systems!

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GPS Systems

It’s hard to get lost nowadays with all that GPS technology now available, you just type your destination and you find it right away! If you’ve ever been lost somewhere and you own one, you know the advantages of a good GPS system, it sure has saved my rear end a couple of times. But what if I told you that those advantages may soon become disadvantages? That’s right, Folks, due to the recent surge in strong earthquakes your GPS may soon become useless! Recent studies show that ground-based GPS systems are being affected by big earthquakes since the year 2000, rendering the data obtained from these sources inaccurate.
I don’t know you, Folks, but I do use GPS from time to time and the least I expect from it is that the damn thing points me in the right direction. ‘Cause that’s literally all it does. That’s the one and only job that the GPS has. If it doesn’t do that job it’s freaking useless!!!

Hit the break to read more about how trying to find that one address will be harder in the future!

2 People Dead Due To Mystery Illness In Alabama!!!

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Bird Flu Virus

Seven people were hospitalized, two of which are now dead in Dothan, Alabama, all due to a new, mysterious respiratory illness. Three more cases have been reported ever since, making a whopping total of 10 cases!
State health officials are running tests on all of the samples to determine what this new illness is and where it came from but something tells me this one was imported from somewhere in Asia. China, to be precise. And if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, here’s what’s -probably- going on: It turns out that two weeks ago a deadly new strain of the avian flu known as H7N9 was discovered in China. The bug has already infected at least 127 people in China, 27 of which have died (read THIS post to find out more). Whether or not the bug killing folks in Alabama is the same or not is debatable, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to be the case. America and China exchange tourists and workers more often than they both are willing to admit. Hit the break to learn more.

Come Mr. Tally Man, Tally Me Cancer Medicine: Ripe Bananas Kill Cancer!!!

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Black Bananas Vs Cancer

If you are a regular here at Paranoid News you probably already know that bananas are radioactive due to the presence of a radioactive isotope in them called Potassium-40 but did you know they can kill cancer too? And before you jump to silly conclusions, no it’s not the radioactivity what kills the cancer. It’s not like they are good for chemotherapy. No, Folks, it turns out that bananas produce a chemical known as TNF (Tumor Necrosis Factor) when they ripe, which happens to kill abnormal or cancerous cells! Which is great, ’cause now perhaps we could just feed our old, black, nasty bananas to cancer patients and cure them instead of just throwing them away in the garbage (The bananas, not the patients). In fact I hate ripe bananas, call me unhealthy (by this article’s standards) but I honestly prefer the yellow ones so I would gladly give them away to save cancer patients.

Hit the break to read more about the anti-carcinogen properties of ripe bananas.


Asteroid Similar To What Killed The Dinosaurs To Pass Close To Earth By May 31st!!!

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Tar-Covered Doomsday Asteroid

Now, if this doesn’t sound to you like a freaking end of the world scenario, I don’t know what will, Folks. ‘Cause this is sure as hell, the creepiest description of an asteroid I’ve ever heard!: Imagine an asteroid as big as a small city, covered in a thick layer of unknown black goo, with the inherent power to wipe out all humanity and most species from the face of the Earth and hurdling at thousands of miles an hour in our direction!!! Does it sound like fun to you?
Luckily this evil bastard is not in collision course with the Earth but what if our own gravitational pull draws it closer and puts it into a collision course with us!? What’s with the layer of black goo!? What is it?? And… what would happen if the asteroid does crash into the Earth. Will it unleash a zombie-venom-alien-apocalypse or something!?  :O_O:

Hit the break to read more and find out! Or not. It’s really up to you.

North Korea Fires Three Short-Range Missiles Into The Sea!!!

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North Korea missile launch

North Korea allegedly launched three short-range missiles. The missiles are apparently part of yet another test (I have no idea if nuclear or otherwise) and had no actual target. According to officials, they were aimed away from South Korea and landed in the sea.
South Korea and the US appear to dislike this move and will probably do some wang-waving of their own in the next few months to prove North Korea that they got cool toys too.
It is worth mentioning that we almost had a third world war just a month ago due to threats issued by North Korea, which consisted in launching an attack on American bases in Japan and South Korea. However North Korea’s threat involved medium-range missiles and not shot-range missiles as in this case so South Korea and the US are not worried.

Hit the break to read more and start worrying about the third world war all over again.

Creeping Ice Glacier Destroys Homes In Canada And Minnesota

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Creeping-Glacier-Destruction

Is the ice age coming? Perhaps not for all of us, but for these Folks, it appears to be already here. A small town in Minnesota and another one in Canada are suffering from a severe case of ice-age-itis; A glacier slowly creeped for miles across land pushed by the strong winds, destroying everything in its path! Some people even compared this phenomenon to a tornado due to the destruction it caused! The creeping ice destroyed houses and trees as it moved across the land and for what I understand the phenomenon is fairly common, yet I can’t help believing that the end is nigh! Creeping walls of ice? Are you serious!?  :O_O: Last time I checked ice was just sitting there, making old people slip and break hip bones!

Hit the break for an alarming video.

Paranoid DIY: How To Charge Your Mobile With A Phone Line In An Emergency!

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Makeshift Phone Charger

There’s a large scale black out and there is no power outlets available to charge your cellphone’s battery what do you do?

a)Curl into a ball and cry in the corner.

But hey, you can smile now, ’cause all that is in the past! Now you can connect your cellphone to any phone line and charge it! Why you wouldn’t use the actual phone line itself to begin with is a mystery to me but this seems useful enough to include it here ’cause you never know.

The build does require some minimal skill and knowledge of WTF you are doing but there’s no risk of shock unless you are somehow vulnerable to 20 v electric shocks or stupid enough to lick the cables, in which case go draw a crayon unicorn on a napking while grownups get this figured out.

Hit the break to watch a very useful useful instructional video.

Doomsday Cancelled?: NASA Scients Find The Way To Track And Capture Meteorites!

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NASA Asteroid Cowboys

If you were one of the many worried about going the way of the dinosaurs via asteroid collision then you have nothing to worry about anymore! Because NASA finally found a way to mess things up beyond recognition track and capture asteroids and comets to bring them back to a closer orbit around the Earth for exploitation and research. What could possibly go wrong, right?  :lol: Like a giant ass rock couldn’t hit us all by itself, now we bring it closer to make things easier for it. Great!  :disapprove:
This plan was devised by the president Barack Obama and company after a fairly big fireball crashed in Russia wrecking havoc and injuring more than 900 people, effectively raising full awareness about how a big rock from outer space can come at any second without any warning and crush your every hope and dream in a massive explosion.

Hit the break to read more.

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